Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Remains of my Day.

Our first self-portrait!

Right now I have:

1. A stain on my shirt from feeding my boys their bedtime bottle.
2. Laundry needing folding on the couch.
3. Two healthy sleeping boys
4. Guilt from not exercising yet.
5. Sore feet, sore back, and blood shot eyes.
6. Two happy daughters watching their show and eating mac and cheese.
7. A husband on the way home from being out of town.
8. Dishes and bottles to wash.
9. Joy at what I have
10. A York Candy bar waiting for me when I'm done with it all...

It is 7:45 p.m. and Mr. T, is now snug in his crib with his brother by his side. I walk down to the kitchen and pull out a small pot for boiling water and prepare the gourmet meal of mac and cheese that I am positive they will like more than anything else I cook. This was one of those days when I did not plan in advance what we were going to eat! Mr. C was away last night and won’t be returning until late this evening. I still have to put the laundry away and clean the kitchen. My bedroom can wait and hopefully I will get to some painting and projects for finishing the girl’s bedroom – but it will most likely have to wait until another day.

Life, as I know it now, is full of little sleep, lots of labor, and chaotic order. I am naturally not an organized person and tend to take on too many projects and extend myself way too much. Lately, however, I know better. I know that if I pull out anything other than a magazine, it won’t get done and may not get put away. The magazine, most times, gets put aside and left for that very rare moment that both boys are asleep at once. This hasn't stopped me from trying a few projects, but as you might have guessed, they are unfinished.

My emotional well-being is good, but there are days when I’m not sure how I make it through without bursting into a fit of tears. On these days, I reach out to my family and try to get myself out and about. I also rely on the needed routine of the boys to get me through the day. Carrying twins has reeked havoc on my body. It is pain and exhaustion that make some days extremely difficult. I have been to a chiropractor and will be going to a few other appointments soon. My fingers are crossed that I will have some needed relief soon.

I feel extremely blessed daily as my day begins with a tiny voice saying "ma, ma" from his crib and another squealing happily (after their 5:30 feeding of course) and two other sweet voices asking me if they can go "play with their brothers". Wow, what a great way to start my long days filled with so many ups and downs. This is my life right now. I am sorry I haven't been more open with my readers, but I honestly can barely think straight right now, let alone write my emotions in my blog posts. It has been so much easier to write about what we do, rather than how we are and I have thought many times about shutting down my blog because of this. I always come back to it and believe that it is doing me good to continue writing.

This week in photos:
The Hawk frustrated he can't stand yet.

I found old photo of me and my girls a month before giving birth.

This week Mr. T sat up without falling for the first time.

I remembered to finally post this self portrait of Nini, Cici, Me, and Mr. C celebrating the end-of-school year at a batting place in Lemonister, MA


donna said...

thanks for sharing your day was us.... I hope you are able to get some rest soon. Michelle you are such a amazing MOM.
Thanks for sharing your life with us...

Nicole said...

Very precious! Love your photos this post. The blk & wht self portrait is priceless and the football helmet is adorable. Craig looks like such a proud dad.

Melinda said...

I hope you keep posting! I feel the same way when Jason is gone so much and I feel like I am in survival mode. I blog about what is going on also because if I blogged about how I was feeling, I would probably worry someone out there. You are doing an amazing job! The boys are so big and so darn cute!

Marie said...

You amazing lady. Seriously, I've never done doubles, and you're in it for the second time. I can't even imagine how busy you are. I have a hard time getting projects done and I've just gone one nap schedule to worry about!

Love you. Keep going! You are doing better than you realize.

Hey - you should watch the Mormon Messages by Elder Holland about mothers. I'll email you the link.

Lene said...

Oh Sweetie. I have been away from blogs. I post every now and again but don't seem to find time to read and comment. I am so sorry you are struggling. I think there are quite a few of us in the same boat. I feel like my life is racing out of control and I am just trying to hang on. I am happy if we are all dressed and I have fed the kiddos something.
This Mom thing sure is hard...but I wouldn't change it for the world. You are an amazing Mom with beautiful children and you are loved. (((hugs)))