I dreamt long ago that I would lovingly sit beside my daughters at my grand piano and teach them the joy of playing. The piano was always my first joy, so passing this to my children was really just a matter of timing. When they were young, they would crawl at my feet when I played and dance when I would play some upbeat piece. They enjoyed this, why not start teaching them?!
Their first lesson was when they were 7…their second lesson was when they were 8. I realize that some students are just not ready. When this second lesson ended in tears, I put this to the test. I hired a piano teacher that was willing to delve into our home during prime busy hours. She sat down with her quiet voice and calm manner and taught a whole month of lessons. She was a fantastic teacher, but they really just weren’t ready for the pressure of piano lessons and all the other stuff they were asked to do. Closer to nine years old, I tried once again to teach them. It went something like this:
“{Daughter} that was really wonderful! How about we go back to this note and play it with your
3rd finger instead of your 4th.”
3rd finger instead of your 4th.”
{Daughter} plays note with her 2nd finger.
“Oh remember {Daughter} that our fingers are numbered your first finger is your thumb…
that’s right…now let’s count all our fingers.”
{Daughter} holds up fingers and counts 1, for her thumb all the way out to her 5th finger.
“OK, now place your 3rd finger on this note (pointing to the right key)”
{Daughter} puts thumb on note.
“You need your 3rd finger on this note…your third….your third…”
Insert a much more frustrate voice.
“That’s it! Now let’s start here and play it again.”
“No, start here…here…”
Insert perhaps the word Really? Or, Come on!
I realized shortly after many incidents like this, that teaching my daughters piano was just one more power struggle with them; one more situation where I was asking them to listen and follow my rules. Perhaps it was just me, however, either way - they weren't learning anything and they simply couldn’t handle mom telling them how to play the piano – who knew? Music is important in our home, I wasn't giving -up!
I hired the same in-home piano teacher at their now appropriate age. This allowed me to be the person they come to for pats on the backs – not, you have to play it this way and practice my way. I told the girls that it was completely up to them at how much they had to practice as long as they follow the teacher's times. Instead of teach them, I ask, “have you practiced yet today?” they say no or yes; sometimes they play and sometimes they don’t. I sincerely wished I could have been the one to teach them. Perhaps, my role in all of this was simply to put the idea in their heads and an expectation and to support them.
How were you taught?
Are you teaching your children?
Is it hard to find a balance?
