Our ever-changing reward system!

Finding the right order and reward system for my family is a constant progress.  Every year there seems to be a different set of problems that make staying with one system not ideal.  My two and half year old twin boys are just learning the concept of rewards, but it will be awhile before I have to pull anything definitive together.  It is my almost double digit twin girls that have needed more than a gentle reminder about how to behave and how to follow the rules! 

What works right now is a combination of values, expectations, gentle reminders, chores, and time rewards.  With a laminated 5x7 card and our expectations and values glued onto clothespins, we can check-off or write specific reminders next to each clothespin.  They earn beads, not cash right now, as we feel they receive many extras and little things here and there that they don't need a lot of cash.  There rewards center around this list of 50 inexpensive Ideas to Reward Children!  The girls were completely excited about these ideas for rewards and talk about them constantly.  We've changed and added some to suit our family and our hobbies.

I can imagine that I will need to revamp, redo, or tweak this reward system in the future.  But for now, for our family, it is working beautifully!  ---For now :)

Happy Day,

Michelle

No set instructions.

I have to pinch myself daily to believe that we are living in New England in March with no snow on the ground and 60 degree temperatures.  We've done our sugaring-off early, we've been playing outside with short sleeve shirts, and enjoying a little more light in our days.  It's quite Heavenly!

Our family is good.  We've just celebrated our two-year anniversary after moving from Montreal.  Our move here not only marked the birth of our 2nd set of twins, but a whole new journey in raising not two, but four children.  I wake-up on some days ready to go, everyone seems to fall in line, we get to school on time, and there are minimal fights, tantrums, and issues.  On other days, there is drama, tantrums, and problems falling on top of each other throughout the day.  The hardest part has been learning how to create order in a very chaotic environment.  Twins do not come with one set of instructions, neither does the added emotions of being adopted, which two of my four deal with daily.  

I am naturally not an organized person, but raising four children has encouraged me to find more ways to create order.  I've been finding that labeling everything from laundry baskets to closet organizers, helps me quickly put away items in the right order and place.  I promise I won't label my children though (unlike this post from 2008), I know where they go, honestly!

Laundry basket labels using laminated luggage tags from Target.

Are you a naturally organized person?

Do you believe children come with their own blueprints, or if you've

raised one you can raise another?

Do you have twins?!

A Turquoise Hawk and twins.



Nini and Hawk checking out his turquoise hands.



Once upon a time a little boy named Hawk couldn't quite reach high on the counters of his home.  He would try and try but he never quite got his fingers on what his eyes could see.  Day after day he would stand high on his tippy toes hoping to reach the toys, trinkets, and grown-up things. 

One fall day, to his surprise, his tippy toes were just enough to allow him to reach something small and colorful on mom's kitchen counter.  She was busy frosting cupcakes and didn't see his little fingers reach to the counter.  He was curious about this little container filled with wonderful turquoise goo.  Mom didn't catch him until he had ingested it and smeared all that dye all over his hands and mouth.   He was very upset that this cool container wasn't a toy!

Hawk and his Turquoise tongue.

Now Hawk's mommy (me!) watches a little more closely at those cute piggy tippy toes!

As a mother of twins, I still try to take the time to cook and do these extra things when the boys are up.  They are pretty good about running around me and I try to involve them a little.  It's a short time-span, so I try to these things quickly.  Whether it's letting them distroy the cupboard below me or showing them what I am doing.  It's not easy managing this though!  Many times I try, but it just gets too stressful.  I cut corners with store-bought cake mixes or cooking several meals at a time -during naptime. 

Any mischief at your house?

Do you cook with small children?

Or when they are sleeping?!



I spy...a basket purse?!

Basket Purse - perfect :)

I hate diaper bags.  I know this is a very negative way to start a post, but I am trying to be honest.  I can never find anything in them, or when I do, it's usually some sort of food that has been hiding in it's depths.  It was around Easter time 2011, the boys were almost 18 months old and I had had it with those big bags.  I still needed something to put all the things I needed in my shopping excursions and trips to church.  The answer, as uneventful as it may be, came after I muddled what to do with the girl's Easter baskets.  I love to buy them, but how many more do we need?  Before the the massive Easter clearance, I had a clearly brilliant moment - I can use this basket as an alternative to my diaper bag....I bought one more on clearance and have the one in the photo, white, and pink...I was hooked.



alternative to a diaper bag or purse

Perhaps it's the color, the size, or the cute handle - but this style basket has proven to be a perfect fit.  It's not too big, not too small, it's a great color and it fits everything I need for my twins when I am shopping.  I even had room for a half package of wipes that I forgot to put in these photos. 



Here are my contents:

Here is what I took with me on my last shopping adventure:

Two sippy cups
1 banana with peel
lots of change at the bottom of the basket
My keys
A flower pen
A planner.
A wallet
2 baggies of grapes (sliced)
2 baggies of pretzels
2 fruit snacks
2 Keebler treat bags
2 bottles, just in case!

Hilariously, all items within this basket were consumed on one (1) forty minute Target trip!  ReallY!



fits perfectly



 The basket sits perfectly on the floor on my passenger seat and fits nicely in the shopping cart or underneath my double stroller.  When the contents of the bags and packages are eaten, I use the basket as a temporary garbage and throw everything away on the way out.  Leaving only what wasn't devoured behind!  That usually means my money too!  Surprisingly, I have received tons of great compliments - and that's even with my cute little red heads as a distraction :)

What do you think about diaper bags?

Do you hate or love them?

Would you do this?

Do we really need the stroller?

As a mother of twins, a stroller is the one thing I never leave home without!  Yet every time my husband I venture out together he always says, and I quote, "do we really need the stroller."  This gets me every time since he's experienced the craziness that ensues when we've tried walking with them or using a wagon.  There has only been a handful of times they've actually stayed seated in their wagon; and if we are holding their hands, they unavoidably don't want to go in the same direction we are going.  I've stopped reacting to his question about the stroller (well most of the time) and honestly - I keep hearing it less and less.. Maybe he's getting the point!  This video is really sweet as is just one of the cute examples why we never leave the stroller at home - well, I, never leave the stroller at home!     

How about you? 

The comings and goings of Nini.

Nini at skateboard camp.

I can just picture this photo being put into Nini's biography when she's a famous sport superstar!  Look at the feisty, sweet girl among all those boys (and one other girl)!  Her dad found this free, sponsored skateboard camp in a neighboring city.  It was a 45 minute drive every morning for four days and worth every mile.  The next week, she took on a neighboring town's basketball camp and came out loving every moment.  This year she had three friends among her crowd.  It is so neat to see my twins finding their own place in this world.

I love this girl!

Just Sayin :)

Jeans and things.

Right now I am sitting in a cool office with my new desk, which still is to unorganized to take a photo to show yet.  My girls are just now restlessing (not a word, I know!) down from their exciting day of Sunday and summer.  Mr. T has been sick since mid-day on Saturday.  He came down first with a fever, restless sleep last night for him, and then he woke-up with a rash on his hands and feet.  Thankfully the Internet is on hand, as rashes are rare in our home.  I looked it up and at this point it blanches when you pull the skin between my thumbs.  I think it may be a reaction to the Tylenol I gave him for his fever.  In the past, I think he's had more ibuprofen then Acetaminophen and me giving only Tylenol this time, may have brought on the rash.

I've been upset at myself for not loosing more weight over the past year after the boys were born.  I had good intentions, honest mishaps, and the great kicker - not enough time.  I keep asking myself how such a prominent goal can become so prominently pushed aside.  I reason that I gained over 75lbs carrying twins - it's not going to come off easily.  I was laid-up on bedrest for six months of it and suffered from gestational diabetes.  I was a no muscle-tone blob when I walked out of that hospital.  It took six months just to be able to stand up without help and an additional six months to heal from fascia of my feet.  Quite literally, this was my excuse. 



My favorite photo during my pregnancy - October 2009



I've been on a more positive binge of self -perspective lately.  As I have to put this goal, which I felt I was failing at, in a more brighter perspective:

• I have four healthy children and a healthy husband!
• I can stand solely on my own - no help needed normally!
• I no longer have diabetes, it was only gestational.
• I've lost 65lbs since the boys were born!
• I only have 15lbs more to meet my goal.
• When once a lady using a walker with a gorilla on her back could run faster than me, I can now run 3 miles without heaving over and in a decent amount of time.
• I can fit into my pre-pregnant, I was on lots of fertility drugs so I gained some weight jeans.
• I am healthy, my husband is healthy, and I am still on track to meet my goal.
• I can look at all my pregnancy photos and adore the belly I once had.  When before I couldn't stand to see myself so huge! (My good friends Leanne and Jo told me to take as many photos as I could while I was pregnant, as I would regret it if I didn't.  I took their advice to heart and have many huge pregnancy photos with me right now that I think are amazing - thanks guys!)

I can honestly say that loosing weight sucks!  But, slowly, and ever so ungracefully - it's going to come off!  It won't be the same.  I'll have those trophy stretch marks where the boys kicked me on those sleepless nights, but I'm OK with that!  I just have to remember how far I've come.

How did you do it?

Are you still doing it?

What was your best advice during your pregnancy or adoption?  (we've been in both places!) 

Adopting Twins: Our Russian Adoption Story - Part 2

{Home at last.}

 Explaining how I felt on that first trip to meet Cici and Nini is difficult. Excitement, of course, but mostly I was feeling a long agonizing journey coming to an end.  I mentioned some of my feelings on my first post here about arriving in Moscow and flying to the girl's hometown. I must add, that driving in Moscow was a very scary adventure. Lanes? What lanes? What you would think to be a four lane road, had eight lanes - plus an extra lane on the side - just in case you weren't getting to your destination fast enough. I am thankful, that we didn't have to drive. A driver was provided - again-very grateful for this.  We arrived at the orphanage early in the morning. I was impressed that there was a play ground and that the condition of the outside building was well kept up. I'm not sure what I was expecting - outward signs of poverty-like conditions? It was a surprise to see it so well maintained. After meeting with a nurse, our translator, and the director - the door opened...



First Look:  Cici



First Look Nini



 Two bundled from head to toe curmudgeon's came through the door with two orphanage workers. I knew them in an instant and knew that I was supposed to be their mom. It was a defining moment for this first time mom. Their bodies were tiny - not even 10lbs (at 7 months). I held Cici first, since she was the first baby to come through the door. I remember holding her up in the air and watching her face. There was so much life behind that timid stiff little frame. Nini and daddy cuddled first. My first impressions of Nini was she was needing to escape. She had so much energy inside of her, that was being stifled - she needed me.

For two days, Mr. C and I were led to the orphanage where we spent time with them. They were always brought to us bundled from head to toe and we always took them out of their clothes. After an hour maybe a few minutes more, the workers would come back, bundle them again and keep them to their strict routine. When we left the orphanage not to come back until our paperwork was ready, I wasn't as sad as I thought I'd be. I knew that they were safe. I was determined and I knew that I would be back in no time. My ache came later when we were home and we knew that they were thousands of miles away.

 

I coped by collecting donations for the orphanage, packing our bags, talking with friends, praying, and having faith that we would soon be on our way.  We traveled back to Russia less then a month later and on my birthday we left the orphanage as a family.  There was a lot of rushing around to get passports, paperwork, health records and reports ready for our trip back to the states.  Five days later we were coming down the escalator at the Salt Lake Airport each carrying a daughter and seeing our extended family for the first time.

 Monday, I  dedicate to either twins or adoption.  Next week, I will focus on the physical strain of twins on momma.  If you are a mother of twins or have your own amazing adoption story and would like to share your story here on this blog, please write to me at shecalledme@gmail.com. 

Have you been to Russia?
What were your impressions?



Adopting Twins, a Russian adoption story - part 1.

All babies were swaddled and covered head to toe - my girl's were seeing their
toes for the first time.

Adopting twins was overwhelming in two ways:  The first was that it was overwhelming.  The second, was that it was overwhelming.  Sounds a bit overwhelming, doesn't it!  Seriously,  adopting twins came with two beautiful blessings and one mom who didn't have a clue what she was doing.  I have four beautiful children now - two by sea and two by land.  A funny way of saying that we adopted twins internationally and I gave birth to twins seven years later.  Here's part 1 of adopting twins:  

The story started in 2002 with a realization that after nine years of marriage we still hadn't realized our dream of becoming parents.  We prayed continuously for an answer and finally found it in adoption.  I am an adoptee and always wanted to adopt, but I hadn't expected that I would be adopting before trying all the various fertility methods of conceiving first.  At the time, it just didn't seem right to spend a fortune on something that may or may not lead to a child.  In retrospect, these feelings towards fertility procedures were the main reason that led us to adoption first.  It was at this time that a program opened up through The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, for which we are members.  We knew they had a domestic adoption program, but an international one?  We were intrigued. 

I was certain that open domestic adoption would make me uncomfortable.  Like I said, I am adoptee and the thought of having close contact with the birth family was frightening to me.  These are not my feelings now, but back then, I was greatly fearful of this open adoption process and this is what led us to international adoption.   I was adopted with a sibling and I was certain that when we adopted, we too, would try for a sibling group. Interviews and paperwork flew out our door for the next six months! 

We originally chose to adopt from Kazakhstan.  A country with impeccable history of upstanding state-run orphanages.  We were shocked at the stories coming out of Russia and determined that Kazakhstan was the perfect situation.  We were almost 8 months into the process and just weeks away from finally finishing the long process; all our paperwork documented, notarized, and apostilled.   It was at this time that a new rule came down through the agency's that regulated no more than one child per couple could be adopted from Kazakhstan- unless they were siblings.  Unfortunately, there was no guarantee that there would be a sibling group.  We had three choices:  Switch to Russia where sibling groups were more prevalent (we also considered adopting two, non-siblings) or start over with another country.  With prayers in our frustrated minds and hearts, the answer came undeniably that we should adopt from Russia. Transferring our dossier to Russia meant that the paperwork would be minimal as Kazakhstan and Russia shared the American Embassy located in Moscow.  



It didn't take long for Mr. C to take on the name Daddy!
First Visit 2003



Miraculously just a few days after our dossier and paperwork were completed, the referral for our two lovelies arrived at the adoption offices.   The trip to the offices was momentous and exciting.  We arrived and minutes after we were handed their photos and information.  I equate that moment in the adoption offices to when each one of my boys were put in front of me after their birth - it was that wonderful.  this   To think that they had already been born and living a life outside our own was killing me.  We were close though and we could feel it.



Our paperwork and Visa's seemed to sail through all the channels needed.  In April 2003, 11 months after walking into the adoption offices, we were cleared to take our first trip to Russia and meet the girls.   We flew first into Moscow where we meant our translator.  We slept for a couple of hours and then caught a flight to Kemerovo where we would meet them for the first time.  Not knowing the ins and outs of Siberian flights, we were stuck in the back of the plane with what seemed like your neighbor in front of you right in your lap.  It was a fear felt flight and one I choose not to remember!  But, I would do it again for my girls -any day! I was just glad when we touched the ground.



the people's radio





As soon as we landed, we went to the hotel and slept until it was time to visit the orphanage.  We purchased snicker bars and coke for lunch with whatever bit of Russian we could handle.  We were very grateful for the snicker bars - let me tell yoU!  Our hotel was equipped with little more than two cots and this radio on the wall - or what we think was a radio.  Mr. C tagged this the people's radio.  Something fitting he liked to say!  Every floor of the hotel had a woman station down each hallway.  She would take your key when you left and do whatever housekeeping duties needed.  Just a few different things about our visits!



My next Twin Monday post will reflect on our first meetings with the girls and what it was like to go from zero to two overnight.  Nothing would've prepared me for that single moment when we finally met our little girls.  To have two babies to hold, when I had none just moments before - amazing. 

How do you feel about adoption?

Have you been to Russia?
Would you consider international adoption now?

Twins will go there separate ways.

 

My older twins did not see the floor of any shops until they were almost four years old.  There may have been a few speratic instances, but those were very rare.  The reason for my no floor  approach simply sided around the fact that twins, no matter how alike they are - will go there separate ways.  My last post talked about my UNO pizza experience and whether eating out is worth it or not.  I think it was clear that it isn't, unless you are very hungry!  I also had my own little drama on the way out of the retaurant.  I had my huge diaper bag and a babe holding each of my hands.  I kicked the front door open as no one was their to open it for us and we hobbled through before it could hit shut. 

A few steps later we were on the sidewalk of a very busy parking lot.  My diaper bag took that moment to fall from my shoulder causing our neat little expidition to take a mor dramatic turn.  The bag caused one of the boys to trip, which in turn left me with little alternative to help him up, get my diaper bag back on my shoulders.  Somehow, Mr. T broke from my hand and - yes - started to run.  With my diaper bag secure on my shoulder, and one boy hanging by one hand as I ran; I caught Mr. T seconds before entering the parking lot. 

I can easily picture many scenes like this with both sets of twins.  Here is a bit of what it is like with twins.  Luckily this day I my little Cici was a champ helping chase them down.  Enjoy!

Do you always use a stroller or cart?

Any fun stories to tell?

Eating out with your twins.

There is something so good about sinking your teeth into a thick crust UNO's pizza. Our closest is hours away, but I still hoped to order one and bring it to the hotel. My older girls could hang in our part of the hotel room, the boys would go to sleep,  and all would happy and well - right? At the last minute, we changed our plans and opted to dine-in the restaurant. We pulled our little quartet of kids inside and were promptly seated. It was glorious for the first let's say seven minutes...and then, it wasn't.

My little gents had already gone through my supplies of baby food, crackers, cookies, bananas -it was something the see. People were staring with what looked like a nervous admiration, or perhaps just disdain!  The waiter prompted by a mother of twins at the bar - offered to buy me a beer.  Was it that bad of an experience to see?  I politely declined and started thinking of a way I could prolong the outing for a few more minutes.  This is when I took Mr. T out of his chair. Within seconds, my water was spilled everywhere, duh, why didn't I see that water? I was done. I took the boys out to the van to the relief of the patrons( a story left for another post) and I waited until my daughters and Mr. C were ready to leave. So I ask you:

 

Do you think eating out is worth the effort?

I say no.  At home, my boys go to bed before we eat, so putting them through the rigor of a meal that takes three times as long can be excruciating to them (and to me!) I would say that before you decide to take the whole crew, weigh the pros and cons. Realize that it won't be a lazy evening sipping soda - but one where it could end up in your lap!
 

What do you think?

Just for them.

I have been a bad mom as I have not had any photos of the boys hanging on our walls.  (OK, I have one that sits above our mantle - but their little bodies just can't see it - it's too high)  Nor do I have any photos in a scrapbook or any that they can actually look at.  I had these two photos of them at 2 weeks old framed awhile ago, but never got a chance to do anything with them. 

After much debate, I decided to hang them using ribbon and hung them in our walkway between our kitchen and the rest of the house.  I did this little project during their glorious naptime (the only time I get anything done).  Later that day after nap, I found sweet Mr. T standing and staring at these two photos.  When he saw me, he turned and pointed to his photo - awww! 

When is your best time for getting things done?

When to give-up your me time.

What exactly is me time between us moms?  Is it the honor of going to the grocery store on our own – to shop for the family?  Doing laundry without children in the room?  Doing finances during naptime?  Me time 95% of this time is doing something for my family.  Normally I don't mind.  Do you?  It's a part of who I am right now and what needs to be.  But, sometimes mama (me) needs a little real me time.  And so I tried it today.  On my way home from Hawk's doctor appointment, I ran into Subway to get my favorite sub and headed home.  I put the boys to bed, popped on some TV, and hoped to read a library book called Homemade Marketplace....

But, guilt set in.  I had a messy office that needed organinzing.  So I ate my sandwich watched a little TV and hoped to finish the office and still find some of that me time...

 Enter, Mr. T.  He had dutifully fallen asleep at noon while his brother wailed and played in his crib for an hour and a half.  He was awoke by Hawk and although he went to sleep for a little more - he was wide awake when I went to check on them.  Hawk was asleep and I pulled little T out of his crib.  My time had officially ended, but I had something better in mind. 

My me time became a much beloved play date with my first little boy Mr. T.   Moments like these do not come along very often, moms with twins - you know what I mean!  Well, lets be honest, all moms know what I mean.

 We got to work making homemade whole wheat pizza crust for our dinner.  We had a blast getting messy together.  He spend most of the time giggling at the sound of the mixer and putting flour in his mouth and then gagging - and laughing.  At the end of the day what's important to me is being their for my kids.  I get enough time here and there that can equal as time for myself - for now!

We ended our little date with a kiss!

Do you believe in mommy me time?

When was your last date with your little man or little lady?

What age should parents start having these individualized dates?

Shopping with twins pre-walking.

My first set of twins just over a year old!

Getting around with twins, or with any child can be exhausting. I can't say to how different it is with one verses two babies, as I've only ever had two babies at one time. I do know that at the end of a shopping excursion or day out with family - I'm ready for a nap (which I never actually get). I've learned a few tip and tricks to help me not only survive getting out with my children, but to enjoy the experience too. This post is specifically for the pre-walking twins.


Shopping inside: Shopping indoors can be extremely difficult. Maneuvering the narrow aisles and doorways with strollers, diaper bags, and other sundry baby items takes it toll on actually enjoying a shopping trip. This is what works and where:

1. Use a front and back stroller. This allows you easier access through narrow doorways and stores without the wide aisles. I use the Baby Trend Snap and Go double stroller ensemble. It allows you to place your car seats into their stroller frame - and go. Double side-by-side strollers can be effective in larger department stores, but it is harder to steer and does not have a lot of storage for storing your purchases.

I normally will not use the space underneath the stroller for storing my goods to purchase. I most often will push the stroller with my left and and pull behind me a grocery cart in a backwards motion with my right hand. It is a lot of work, but sometimes it's the only way to get in and out with all the things you need. Diapers and wipes take up a lot of room and do not fit on any stroller I've ever used.

2. Car seats in cart. I have taken recently to putting the my boys into the cart. Sometimes one up front in the seat belted in and the other in the cart with the car seat (setting all the way inside the cart). Depending on what I need, I will use the sides and the underneath section to store my goods, or I will pull behind me another entire cart. Pushing a cart with one hand, vs. a stroller, has been easier to steer and maneuver.

3. Cart and baby carrier. While it is a good option, it can be a very back breaking option. But, if you really need to get out and about and get those errands done with colicky babies - it's a very good plan. I used the method several times when one of my babes was having a hard time sitting in his car seat. It was a bit difficult when I had to lean over and pick something off a lower shelf, but again, a good option when you really need to get things done.

4. Double cart seating. There are some magical stores that carry large enough carts to fit both babies up in the front section of the cart. They even make double cart seat covers to protect babies from germs. I was lucky with my first set of twins as there seemed to be quite a few stores with this option. Now with my 2nd set and living in a smaller area, carts are narrower and do not allow to strapping lads to fit up in the front section of the cart.

5. One baby belted in the cart and one seated in the goods section of the cart. This option only works if you are willing to deal with the baby not strapped into the cart. This baby has the ability to stand and while you feel this maybe a viable option - keep a vigilant watch. My little ones love to stand and while I push the cart. When I use this option, I stand on the side of the cart and it pull it this way, while holding onto the baby with more freedom. Eventually a toy, or snack gets more attention and he will sit - but I still keep a good watch out for him. You can also try a booster seat with a belt - I haven't tried this yet!

6. Seek help. Isn't it great to think that you can do it all - shop, make dinner, all while carting around both babies and your other children - if you have them - on your hip. Sometimes you are just too tired to shop with your kids and physically drained to push that grocery cart or get that big box of diapers. It's OK to ask for help. Take along a friend, older siblings, or family members and let them push the stroller, or better yet - let you go all by yourself!

Good luck!

How do you do it?

How do you handle multiple children varying ages?

Did this help?