Monday, April 28, 2008

A changing smile.

Weekend at Acorn Cottage 4/2008

It's hard for me to believe that five years ago when we adopted our two beautiful girls I was adopting what might be my only children. I in no way am unappreciative of our wonderful experience and of their great blessing in our lives. But, maybe I really don't need to explain myself here, since we are all women and most understand the desire to have large happy families. Lately, I have strongly felt a need to come to terms with my infertility. I have felt that I should begin to understand that my family may never grow larger, and that I need to appreciate each moment and be more grateful for our situation - despite my desire to have more children. But, after all, it is my desire - not necessarily what is meant to be.

Kemerovo orphanage 2003

The feelings have been so strong that I have literally been called to stop and take note of every moment and say, they won't be young forever. I just always assumed that our family would be large, with lots of children, personalities, and many years of the same stages. But again, it was my assumption, not what may be meant to be. A couple of weeks ago, we heard news of a couple close to us. They had been working for over a year with the Quebec province children's services to be foster parent ready. They chose the foster to adopt program and were preparing to receive a little girl four years of age. She had purchased toys, set-up the room, bought books, and both had prepared themselves for this little girl. It was supposed to be an open and shut foster to adopt case, but two days before she was to be placed, the children's services changed their mind and this little girl is no longer going to be placed with them.

Nini's first lost tooth.

Friends and family have been writing letters children services on their behalf, which helped, but they will have to wait again for another, younger child to be placed with them. I just ached for this woman, and here I am growling because I want more children. Yesterday, Nini lost her first tooth! I keep thinking, her smile will never be the same. Her cute little brown spot on her front tooth from where she fell, will soon be gone, as each of her baby teeth fall out. Her smile is changing, as will Cici's, and day by day I know I must savor every moment and be ever, always grateful.

The video is Nini and her tooth - the lighting is a bit dark and for some reason came out looking red - but she sure is a cutie pie!

What do you think?
Has the tooth fairy started at your house?
How do you feel about infertility, are you or someone you know facing this in their lives?


Chrissy, said...

There is a bood by Neil A. Maxwell Not my will, But thine. It is a great book. I think many of our trials are to help us get to where Heavenly Father wants us to be. They can be hard to understand. I wish you the best in your unique journey to have a bigger family or feel content in the family you have. I have a very close friend that has 3 children and really want's another one. I don't think it's good when people dicount her desire just because she already has 3. For her she wants another one and is sad she can't. She is a wonderful mother and thankful for the three she has. She is getting more and more comforable with the idea. As time goes on it gets a little better.

I have seen some cute little tooth fairy bags that the tooth fairy has brougt when a child loses their 1st tooth. I bet you could make a cute one! I got a small silver contanier with their name engraved. One for thier 1st tooth and one for their 1st curl. Have fun!

Marie said...

I have not had to struggle with infertility, but I do have to stop myself if I find myself thinking about 'my next baby' a little too often. I just take a minute and realize how blessed I am, and that if I never do have another one, I already have a healthy and happy family. The important thing about a family is not how many children you have, but how you raise the ones you get. And you, my dear, are doing a beautiful job!

Lauralee said...

oh.. I do feel for you! I have never struggled with infertility.. but my sister has.. and does.. she would LOVE to have more kids.. it is something people who don't deal with it.. don't always understand.. and often say the wrong thing.. it is amazing the things she tells me people have said to her..
anyway.. stories like your friend's losing that foster to adopt baby, break my heart.. for both sides.. what heart wrenching decisions and choices.. I can't imagine!
the tooth fairy.. my madison just lost her first tooth about 2 months ago.. she is almost 8.. so she waited a LONG time, and is thrilled to be finally in the "club" but her smile is different and even pretty goofy right now!
well.. take care!

Laura said...

My heart aches for those couples who yearn for a child...whether its the first or not. I wish that there were miracles for everyone of those couples.

Adoption is a a miracle to me. The fact that a child and loving parents are brought together in a different kind of way makes my heart smile.

Carrie and Troy Keiser said...

My sister and her husband are currently involved in adoptions. It has been a long hard road for them. They have a 2 yr old and an infant {the infant's story is on my blog}. Soon they should both be settled and they can carry on with life. Our 4th is adopted ... My heart goes out to the couple trying to foster to adopt.

Noriane said...

Oh Michelle, how I understand how you feel... You and I are in the exact same place, and I know your pain because I feel it every day too. Two children, especially twins who will leave at the same time to go to college, just isn't enough! I have gone through a whole range of emotions, from being angry at God to shutting off my feelings because I'm tired of hurting (neither helped much, BTW). I guess we need to accept that there is a reason and that we just don't understand it yet. I will keep you in my prayers. Stay strong and enjoy every day that you're given to spend with your beautiful girls. They grow up so fast...

Laurie said...

Your girls are darling.

I can relate, although probably in a different way. I feel thankful for my two kids, but I always thought there would be more. It's especially disheartening when my oldest asks why we can't have 5 kids.

As for the tooth fairy...he/she is terrible about remembering! I have a note my son wrote once, reminding the toothfairy that his tooth was still waiting to be collected. Maybe the toothfairy will redeem itself when we start on round 2.

crystal said...

I'm with Jill: Nothing seems to be going according to plan in my life, either--and it's hard, hard, hard to learn to roll with the punches. Hard to get in acceptance mode and try to learn from what the Lord is trying to teach us.

So even though MY particular struggles are not with infertility, I feel the same emotions you are describing. And my heart just goes out to you, friend. I just wanted to be there in person to give you a big hug when I read this post. I know several friends who are dealing/have dealt with infertility and I know it hurts.