I am sitting here wanting so much to write about how I've been and why I've been so absent from blogging - but I am not finding the words. I feel saddened by our failed attempts to conceive, yet hopeful that it just isn't the right time yet. After all, isn't that what life's all about - being patient? Full of hope? I went into the doctor this week to have an ultra-sound. I had been having pain during a time when there shouldn't be any. Long story short, my pain is due to a hemorrhagic cyst - good news it should go away, bad news - not for another three weeks. We had planned to start what we had titled our "last attempt" at infertility treatments, three weeks ago, but now we are not sure when we can start them.
This week I've had to go into what I like to call "survival mode". It's my resolve to not let this harden me or keep me angry at my own situation. I feel like I am having to work extra hard to make sure that I come out of this knowing I did my best to keep hope and faith and compassion for the Lord's time - for things I do not understand. I was reading an ensign story in the October 2008 Ensign of a woman who was sick (page 63.) She spoke about her illness and her struggle to understand it and deal with it. She said that, "As I acknowledge and accept that answer (that everything will be fine), I recognize that Heavenly father does not always specify when everything will be taken care of..." This statement from a woman dealing with so much more than myself, helped me see that everything will be taken care of. It may be next month, it may be a year from now, or it may be that we adopt when we finally return to the states, or that Cici and Nini will be our only children ( which is a pretty awesome blessing!)
Illuminating Motherhood Giveaway
Last year, I asked my fellow blogging moms, what motherhood is to them in one word. My word was and still is - Illuminating. Why this word? Motherhood has given me an inward perspective of the faults I have and has caused me to take action and overcome and better myself in these areas. My priorities are clearer and my mind is better prepared to take on the challenges of raising daughters.
Leave me your word on Motherhood in the comment box and I will pick by drawing the mommy who won! I will be making two hats - one for mommy and one for a girl or boy. You can pick the two color combination and I'll leave the flower off for a boy! The hats are crochet with 100% cotton yarn and can be washed in cold water and layed to dry....Then email me your name and address at email@example.com if you are interested in receiving a sticker and postcard of the motherhood tree above. I will include your word on motherhood on the tree! It will be a fun way to send goodmail your way!
The mommy and me hats give away will end on December 1, 2008 at 10:00 a.m. (est).
Did you have a good week?